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Monday, June 18, 2012

"Broken down at the side of the road"


I am feeling rather worn down lately, experiencing a lot of pain in my bones and joints and somewhat emotionally fragile.  My mother is going through a health crisis which has her in a hospital and unsure of what the prognosis is going to be.  At the moment she is unable to put any weight on her legs without being in excruciating pain.  We are hopeful that she will be able to gain her mobility back but it is by no means a certain thing.  There are implications due to her diagnosis that have impacted my health outlook and that of my immediate family members, sisters and children.  It appears that more than one of us might also be suffering the effects of this genetic illness, myself included.

After 9 hours of travel over a 36 hour period, sleeping in a "strange" bed and a lot of walking through hospital hallways, I am feeling very tired and achy today.  Hopefully today will be the day that we get a better idea of what the prognosis is for my mother and whether she will fully recuperate or whether the disease has done too much damage and that life needs to adjust accordingly.  In this circumstance I must be patient with the cloud of unknowing...  unable to plan or act due to a lack of the details.  This is out of my control...  I must bow to the fact that I am not in control of this situation and must let it go until we have enough information to act upon.

The implications to my own life from this information is not yet apparent.  I have to get tested and will then have to rationalize how the results of those tests impact our life, my husband and mine, moving forward.  Once again, determining what is in our control and what is not, and taking appropriate action based on those conclusions.

At the moment I feel like a car that is broken down at the side of the road, out of gas and in need of repair.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be a little bit better.