Tough Decisions

Michel and I had a bit of a roller coaster week last week.  Michel continued to make strides in Physio and Occupational Therapy but his medical team expressed some concerns to him about his scheduled release date.  Michel had contracted an infection near his toes on the top of his right affected foot that had caused a lot of pain and issues in performing his physiotherapy routines.  As soon as he was started on a course of antibiotics, double Tylenol and Lyrica before bed, his pain subsided and the toe has begun to heal.  Physiotherapy was able to happen again towards the end of the week.  Michel experienced a landmark feat of walking with a walker through the physiotherapy room and into a good part of the hallway by his room.  YAY!

With the concerns of his care team being heard and also the plans and equipment that we have put into place at home, it was agreed that Michel could come home this weekend for a visit.  It would also give us the chance to trial what it would be like when Michel came home full time.  It was lovely being able to spend uninterrupted time together.  I loved being able to do some cooking in my kitchen for Michel as well.  My kitchen hasn't had much love lately with sharing my time between work and the hospital. While things went well they did not go as smoothly as we had hoped.  Our new apartment does cause a few challenges with a too narrow doorway to the bathroom and to the bedroom for his wheelchair to enter.  This meant that Michel had to rely on his walker to do longer transports between bed and chair. We had rented a commode which ended up being needed as getting into the bathroom was not ideal as well. This weekend illustrated the challenges that day to day life on our own would consist of at this point in Michel's recovery.

This morning we had a good discussion about the pros and cons of insisting on keeping Michel's current release date or taking the offer of more time in convalescent care. We have decided that Michel should take advantage of the opportunity to grow even stronger before he comes home. It's been a hard decision but we both think it is the best one.  Michel will continue to be at the Elizabeth Bruyere Continuing Care Rehabilitation ward until a place at The Perley in Ottawa opens up for him. At that point he will be able to have physio and occupational therapy there and also be part of the Out Patient rehabilitation unit at Elizabeth Bruyere. We will continue to do weekend visits home during this time. As soon as he feels that he is ready he will be able to come home and continue the Out Patient therapy.

It helps to be a practicing Stoic in these moments. At first I was filled with the emotions wanting the long weeks of loneliness to be over for both of us.  Soon though our reason kicked in with the understanding that it is just too easy for Michel to be seriously hurt when he is not yet physically strong enough to deal with our home setup. We need to focus on how much improvement he has already had and keep working towards the goal of him coming home set up for success.

Slow and Steady

10 days until homecoming! Michel and I are counting the days now until he comes home.

I have had some conversations with his care team and they are going to ensure that everything is in place for his home coming and that I have the information that I need to ensure he has all of the equipment that is needed.

Michel had some breakthroughs this week with his mobility.  He is now able to transfer on his own from wheelchair to bed, stand up for quite awhile and is more awake now during the day.  He has also started working on climbing stairs and was able to walk with a walker for the first time!  He still has 7 more days of inpatient physio to continue to progress on this.  He will also be set up for outpatient physio and occupational therapy when he comes home.  He will also have neuropsychic therapy to sharpen his thinking and get him back to work as soon as he can.

July 24 @ 10 a.m.

Another busy week has passed.  Michel has been working on becoming more self sufficient and autonomous and accommodating for his right side weakness.  His new release date is July 24th! A whole five days earlier than his initial discharge date.

I was able to shoot some footage of Michel standing and practising weight transference this Friday but I was asked to no longer take footage or pictures in the physiotherapy room.  I missed him pushing the cart and walking with assistance that I wanted to film for the kids.  I am amazed at how much stronger he is on his feet and am so proud of how hard he is working. It's the toughest fight he has fought yet but I will be there every step of the way in any way that I can.

At the end of Three Weeks

Well it has been a busy week of hard work for Michel ending in a Statutory holiday weekend, Canada Day.

Michel was able to graduate to only needing one person's help on a chair/bed or bed/chair transfer.

He also lost another 5 lbs. and is down 105 lbs from his highest weight.

His biggest victory this week happened while I was on a client call on Friday. He walked across the physiotherapy room floor. He had help placing his right foot down each step but he made it. A huge milestone on the journey back to independence.

On the home front we have achieved air conditioning in our apartment.  Our son-in-law Joshua was a godsend and helped me get two portable upright conditioners bought and installed. The temperatures are creeping into the 30's C and regulating temperature will be important once Michel comes home at the end of July.

We are now three weeks down with four more weeks left.

Two weeks in Rehab

So tomorrow marks the two week point that Michel has been at the rehabilitation hospital.  He has made so much progress! He can move his forearm, hand and fingers.  He can lift his knee and foot and bear weight on his right.  He can stand for 5 minutes.  He no longer needs the lift to transfer from his bed to wheelchair and back.  He is becoming so much stronger.

I am so thankful for all of the staff that are so caring and motivating and are helping Michel get his life back.  I am posting a few pictures below.

This was our early celebration of father's day with Michel, before our daughter and her fiancée went on their honeymoon that they were unable to postpone.  Their wedding was supposed to be June 1st but they were able to postpone until August 17th so Michel would be there.

Michel is now able to stand and just hold onto the bed rail for stability. We were able to have an outing outside in the sunshine today and it was wonderful to sit together outside.

Life is awesome.  Be thankful for every blessing.

The day to day

Yesterday was one week that Michel has been at the Elizabeth Bruyere hospital in their Rehabilitation program.  I cannot say enough about the wonderful people who are working with Michel to help him regain functions and rewrite the parts of his brain that have been damaged.

I am so inspired by Michel's determination to come back from this. He is determined that he will be able to walk and use his right arm and leg again. Each day he sees a little bit more sensation and function return.  His biggest challenge at the moment is to be able to comfortably stay in his wheelchair for longer periods.  His stamina wears out at about 90 minutes currently.  They are working on trying to get a more comfortable chair setup for him and will rent a chair for him if necessary.

His return to home date is July 29th. Six weeks to go and 13 weeks from when the stroke happened. When it is closer to his return date we will need to have a look at his returned functions so that we can have things in place for him at home.  Until then we will take each day at a time and continue to work with the arm, hand, leg and foot and get them as close to "normal" function as we can.  My work is in supporting Michel, being with him as much as possible.  He has the toughest work ahead, rewriting his brain and pushing through the fatigue that hits him at multiple times during the day. He needs to continue the work needed to forge those new pathways to freedom from a wheelchair.

The goal is in Sight

So Michel has had a busy first three days in the rehab hospital. Today he was given his discharge date. He will be coming home on July 29th at 10:00 a.m.  I will be so happy to have him home again! It will be 19 days before Emilie's wedding day.  We will see what the next 46 days bring in his progress.

We will also have to come up with any necessary plans for getting our home ready to accommodate his needs.  Everything is doable.  I am feeling extremely thankful.

Moving forward

Michel was transferred to a local rehabilitation hospital yesterday.  The move went smoothly and has was given a private room. The care seems to be at a much higher level than when he was in the Transitional Care unit.  I need to go into work today so I won't be able to be with him until I finish work today. It feels weird knowing that I won't see him this morning.

Michel has already met the two doctors who will be overseeing his time at the hospital, his physiotherapist and one of his occupational therapists. He already has four appointments weekly for physio with many more to come. This really is what he has been waiting for.  Now the work he has to do to get back as close to his old normal begins.

The good news, according to his rehabilitation doctor, is that his brain is relatively young and will use neuroplasticity to rewrite damaged pathways. It will "rewire" itself to get the signals through to his right side again. We just don't know how long it will take or how much movement he will gain back. The therapists will also work with him to learn how to do every day activities again so that he can do them for himself. The goal is to help him have a full and productive life moving forward.

Life gets Interesting

It's been awhile since I have posted on my blog. Recently I have been dealing with an interesting life event. While out for a family supper on Saturday May 4th, my husband, Michel, mentioned that he felt a bit weird and then said his hand felt funny. I was looking at him when I noticed his face start to droop.  I knew he was having a stroke. A call to 911 was instantly made and while waiting I slowly watched my husband lose control of the right side of his whole body.  EMS personnel quickly arrived, got him loaded into an ambulance, and we headed to the The Ottawa Hospital - Civic Campus.

The whole month of May was spent at Michel's bedside supporting him through the biggest fight he has yet fought in his life. He has gone from fighting for every breath, intubated in the ICU, to fighting his way back to get on his feet. Throughout it all Michel has maintained a warrior's attitude. He is fighting his way back but is also letting the final outcome of complete mobility go, understanding that this is out of his control.

We are hoping that the next phase of the fight will begin today with his transfer to Elizabeth Bruyere's rehabilitation facility. If this doesn't happen today it should happen tomorrow. Then, as Michel has said, his work really begins.

IF you should live 3000 years, or as many as 10,000, yet remember this, that man can part with no life properly save with that little part of life which he now lives: and that which he lives is no other than that which at every instant he parts with. That life then which is longest of duration, and that which is shortest, come both to one effect. For although in regard to the life which is already past there may be some inequality, yet that time which is now present and in being is equal for all men. And that being the only time which we part with when we die, it manifestly appears that it can be but a moment of time that we then part with. For as for that which is either past or to come, a man cannot be said properly to part with it. For how should a man part with that which he does not have?

EPICTETUS. DISCOURSES. Book iv. §9. ¶2

Today's reading from our Words blog was for December 28th and spoke to something that I have been wrestling with over the past year or more.  The death of my niece, Rachel, at 34 and the death of my niece, Kyra, at 25, greatly impacted me.  The holiday season just serves to be a constant reminder of those who are no longer walking with us in this life.  The short lifespan of these two lovely nieces, one due to complications from recurrent lung issues, and one through a battle with recurring depression, seemed to illustrate the fleeting nature and leave me with a sense of unfairness at the brevity of their life times.

Today's reading, quoted above, hit me with a realization that if, as Stoics, we live in the present moment, the now, we are all given the same amount of time to live.  If we let go of living in the past and living in the future but truly embrace the moment of time that is now, we all have the same moment to live fully.  Instead of living with regret, or living in a constant feverish sense of hope for the future, but live deeply in the now, we are truly and fully living.

Now is enough. Now is full of love, wonder and light and needs to be fully embraced and explored in all of its depths. Now if full of memory, promise and also wonder.

ANY of those things that trouble and straighten thee, it is in thy power to cut off, as wholly depending from mere conceit and opinion, and then thou shalt have room enough. - 
MARCUS AURELIUS. MEDITATIONS. Book ix. 3.

If we can control how we perceive troubles in our lives, we often find that they are not quite so troublesome. A change of outlook can often act like a virtual room cleansing of our spirit and attitude.

Life is what it is and there are circumstances that are beyond our control to stop but we can change our perception of them and find serenity.

Work has been extremely busy lately.  I have often been coming home and working into the evenings and also spending time on the weekends to try to "catch up".  It is easy to feel overcome and over run when life gets so busy, but, I find if I can take even 30 minutes to decompress, find a patch of sunshine or some bracing breeze, often like cobwebs being swept out of the house on a spring day, we can clear our mind.  I am blessed in that I love what I do and feel like I am making a difference in the world on a daily basis in my employment. 

It is my choice as to how and when I address each task/responsibility.  This is in my control.  Time to make a list of everything and prioritize my time!

Have a great day everyone!

Back at my Post

Recently I have been going through a lot of changes in my life.  Life has dealt some major cards and all at the same time.  I experienced recognition in my career, receiving a double promotion, and also received devastating news of loss and sadness.  My 25 year old niece, Kyra, had been found dead.  It looked like a suicide but there was no note or any explanation.

One of these changes, my promotion, was a result of the continued efforts and dedication that I had shown at work.  I was left to wonder if I had played any part in the sudden loss of Kyra, also.  I went through some of the inevitable questions that are left for the survivors of a loss like this.  Could I have done anything differently that might have changed this outcome?  I did have a difference to temper these thoughts though. My Stoic learning over the years kept telling me that the only one ultimately responsible for this act that ended such a bright light was Kyra, herself. 

I lived my life with Kyra as I live my life with everyone who is important to me, never leave them without them knowing how much you love them and that they matter.  I will never make sense or know exactly what happened in Kyra's mind to cause her to take this action, but I have no guilt over my relationship with her.  I will not allow the ending action of her life to take away all of the wonderful moments and memories that I have with her.  The present and future are now places that no longer have Kyra in them but the light of her memory will continue to shine.

VIII. ON THE PHILOSOPHER'S SECLUSION

 ”Hold fast, then, to this sound and wholesome rule of life – that you indulge the body only so far as is needful for good health. ... And reflect that nothing except the soul is worthy of wonder; for to the soul, if it be great, naught is great.” Seneca, Moral Letter to Lucilius, VIII

With this reading I am reminded of the concept of "self-care", that we should take care of ourselves in order to be able to care for others.  Over the years the habit of putting myself last has taken over, not a practice that was forced on me but one that came as a result of habit.  The years of mothering, working outside of the home and the "tyranny of the urgent and most strident need" have taken their toll on the good habit of self-care.

Even though I no longer have children home or even any pets demanding care, I still have to convince myself that it is okay to take time to pamper, or do anything for my own self-benefit.  I think this is not just a female affliction but is a side effect of anyone who has had to make others a priority over the years.  We have a list of to dos and priorities, and, more often than not, self-care is the principle that takes the largest hit.

Now that I am an "empty nester" I struggle with being able to take the time for self-care and constantly have to remind myself that I cannot give to my husband, family or employer if I don't take the time to nourish myself first.  Nourish, not only physically but also intellectually and spiritually, with taking time for reading, studying, listening to music and also relaxation.

In our society we are presented with two examples of the "good life", one is so lazily self-indulgent and the other one is so filled with business for others.  I need to find balance somewhere in the middle of both of these "good lives", nourishing my body but never neglecting to nourish my mind and soul with knowledge, wisdom and beauty.

On Crowds

"10 In order, however, that I may not today have learned exclusively for myself, I shall share with you three excellent sayings, of the same general purport, which have come to my attention. This letter will give you one of a The remark is addressed to the brutalized spectators. 15 them as payment of my debt; the other two you may accept as a contribution in advance. Democritusa says: “One man means as much to me as a multitude, and a multitude only as much as one man.” 11 The following also was nobly spoken by someone or other, for it is doubtful who the author was; they asked him what was the object of all this study applied to an art that would reach but very few. He replied: “I am content with few, content with one, content with none at all.” The third saying – and a noteworthy one, too – is by Epicurus, written to one of the partners of his studies: “I write this not for the many, but for you; each of us is enough of an audience for the other.” 12 Lay these words to heart, Lucilius, that you may scorn the pleasure which comes from the applause of the majority. Many men praise you; but have you any reason for being pleased with yourself, if you are a person whom the many can understand? Your good qualities should face inwards."Seneca, Moral Letters to Lucilius, V11: On Crowds

I write this not for the many, but for you; each of us is enough of an audience for the other.  I am struck with how much the exhibitions of Rome remind me of our modern society.  The pursuit of the latest and greatest TV show becomes the "sport of the day".  The need for crowds of people to be submerged in due to the fear of being alone with oneself.

After a day out in society I retreat to my oasis of calm, my home. I am somewhat lost for words this morning.  I will write some more this evening when I return back to my oasis.  I am reminded of yesterday's reading, the need to share joy, wisdom, etc. and I am reminded of the need for balance.  I must balance both of these letters and see what meaning I derive from them.

I am back in my pleasant living room and I think I have wrestled the two of these letters beside each other.  Once again I am left with balance, balance is the key in all things.  I will continue to teach what I have learned, write in my blog and offer workshops when the opportunity arises.  I will try to ensure that I only choose the best sorts of past times, avoiding the crass and violent that is prevalent in our society.

VI. On Sharing Knowledge

"You cannot conceive what distinct progress I notice that each day brings to me. 4 And when you say: “Give me also a share in these gifts which you have found so helpful,” I reply that I am anxious to heap all these privileges upon you, and that I am glad to learn in order that I may teach. Nothing will ever please me, no matter how excellent or beneficial, if I must retain the knowledge of it to myself. And if wisdom were given me under the express condition that it must be kept hidden and not uttered, I should refuse it. No good thing is pleasant to possess, without friends to share it." - Seneca, Moral Letter to Lucilius, Book VI

On reading today's letter I was first greeted by my favourite quote from Seneca, "I feel, my dear Lucilius, that I am being not only reformed, but transformed."  This was my whole reason for studying Stoicism when I started.  That in the studying my life would be transformed.  In studying and then applying/living my lessons from Stoicism my life is being transformed on a daily basis.

Friends would see the difference in me, in my relationship with Michel, etc. and ask what made the difference.  This is how Stoic workshops were born, thestoiclife.org website and our little corner of the internet, The Foundations of Stoic Practice.  The knowledge and peace, not to mention contentment, that I experienced in embracing the Stoic way of life had to be shared.  Good friends asked our "secret" and I would be mean spirited not to share in any way that I could the wealth that I have discovered.  I continue to learn daily and share my thoughts and learnings through this blog, Musings of a Stoic Woman.  The pearls of wisdom that I uncover daily must not be selfishly hidden, sequestered away in my mind so that only I reap any benefit from them.

Wisdom is much like love in that it flourishes and blooms in the light of fellowship.  The act of sharing wisdom deepens its effect on the world around it.  I see following and teaching the Stoic pathway in Life akin to a calling.  A calling to live my life to Virtues' standard, steadily perfecting my faults, washing away the debris through study and conversation. Wisdom not shared is like a life lived in secret.  Truth cannot flourish in the dark.

On focusing on the future

"Just as the same chain fastens the prisoner and the soldier who guards him, so hope and fear, dissimilar as they are, keep step together; fear follows hope. 8 I am not surprised that they
proceed in this way; each alike belongs to a mind that is in suspense, a mind that is fretted by looking forward to the future. But the chief cause of both these ills is that we do not adapt ourselves to the present, but send our thoughts a long way ahead. And so foresight, the noblest blessing of the human race, becomes perverted. 9 Beasts avoid the dangers which they see, and when they have escaped them are free from care; but we men torment ourselves over that which is to come as well as over that which is past. Many of our blessings bring bane to us; for memory recalls the tortures of fear, while foresight anticipates them. The present alone can make no man wretched. "  Seneca - Moral Letters to Lucilius, Book 1, V. ON THE PHILOSOPHER'S MEAN

This reading had a number of great points reminding us to Live According to Nature, that wealth doesn't make us less or more of a philosopher, etc.  As I was reading I was struck once again that we are reminded to live in the moment.  To not spend so much time dwelling on the past or dreaming about the future that we are of no use in the present.  To truly be present in our lives without regret from the past or worry about the future allows us to be fruitful in the now.

It doesn't matter if I have the perfect plan set up for my future in the absolute best dwelling, etc. if I am not consciously living in the present life that I have.  Maybe it is because I am living through the empty nest syndrome and I am in my 50th year that I find myself dwelling on "what now?" and "what about retirement?".  I know that it is prudent to have a plan for the future with resources to fall back on but, if that planning becomes the main thing in my mind and the present is slipping away without notice, there is a lack of balance.  The prudent thing is to set in motion plans and resources for the future without the future being the moments that we are living for.  We need to take a step back and remember to live each moment that we are in now.  We need to enable ourselves to bloom where we are planted at this moment.

Oh the Good Life...

"No man has ever been so far advanced by Fortune that she did not threaten him as greatly as she had previously indulged him. Do not trust her seeming calm; in a moment the sea is moved to its depths. The very day the ships have made a brave show in the games, they are engulfed. 8 Reflect that a highwayman or an enemy may cut your throat; and, though he is not your master, every slave wields the power of life and death over you. Therefore I declare to you: he is lord of your life that scorns his own. Think of those who have perished through plots in their own home, slain either openly or by guile; you will that just as many have been killed by angry slaves as by angry kings. What matter, therefore, how powerful he be whom you fear, when every one possesses the power which inspires your fear? ...Why do you voluntarily deceive yourself and require to be told now for the first time what fate it is that you have long been labouring under? Take my word for it: since the day you were born you are being led thither. We must ponder this thought, and thoughts of the like nature, if we desire to be calm as we await that last hour, the fear of which makes all previous hours uneasy.
10 But I must end my letter. Let me share with you the saying which pleased me today. It, too, is culled from another man's Garden: c “Poverty brought into conformity with the law of nature, is great wealth.” Do you know what limits that law of nature ordains for us? Merely to avert hunger, thirst, and cold. In order to banish hunger and thirst, it is not necessary for you to pay court at the doors of the purse-proud, or to submit to the stern frown, or to the kindness that humiliates; nor is it necessary for you to scour the seas, or go campaigning; nature's needs are easily provided and ready to hand. 11 It is the superfluous things for which men sweat, – the superfluous things that wear our togas threadbare, that force us to grow old in camp, that dash us upon foreign shores. That which is enough is ready to our hands. He who has made a fair compact with poverty is rich. " - Seneca, Moral Letters to Lucilius, Book 1, IV: On the Terrors of Death

This was a rich reading this morning but the phrase that struck me the most is the last statement, "He who has made a fair compact with poverty is rich." Once again I am struck by the lie that we are sold by society, "the good life".  Our entertainment industry sells us this life, our advertising, our government, even our educational institutions are based on a foundation of preparing us for this "good life".  Our world is unbalanced by this constant striving that is not in Nature's balance.  Gone is the achievable goal of having enough, supporting our lives with enough food, shelter and comforts to sustain our life.  Instead the western world is made up of individuals trying to "better" themselves, striving to climb up the corporate ladder for more income, status in society, and commodities.

If we like Thoreau would focus on living closer to the Nature that we are part of, seeking to live in balance, to have "enough" without tipping the scales to excess, what would the impact be to the world around us? Would we have more of an ecological focus? Would the global community be battling global warming and the other environmental catastrophes that are beginning to rock our infrustructure?

Maybe it will take a number of people just saying "Enough!" to finally start to turn the tide?

I think that Enough is defined differently for everyone.  I am going to examine what is Enough and just what is superfluous in my own life.  I am going to continue to strive for the wealth that is found in the balance of an examined life that is well lived.

III. ON TRUE AND FALSE FRIENDSHIP

" Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship; but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul. Speak as boldly with him as with yourself."  - Seneca - Letters to Lucilius, Book 1 - III. On True and False Friendship

Today's reading, Day 3, was on the nature of friendship.I am blessed to have a number of true friends in my life.  Friends that I feel completely accepted with and for that I am truly grateful.

I find as I have become older that I am becoming more "Me".  Over the years I have gradually sloughed off traits that I would not allow to be public like dead skin cells in a shower.  As I was reading through the aspects of friendship I was struck with a thought that it is possible that the quality of my friends hasn't changed over the years but that I have changed. I have less pretenses, fewer aspects that are kept for private and not allowed to be seen in public. I have strived to wittle away those aspects that were uglier and of a drastic nature.  I think, much like a boulder in a stream, that time has rounded my edges and rubbed off the rougher aspects of my character and personality.  Maybe my high quality friendships are in fact a result of me striving to be a more authentic person on a daily basis?

I think that in the quality of friendship, as in all relationships, I need to continually strive to be an excellent human being.  With this challenge of excellence in all things in mind, I am able to strive to be the type of human that attracts the best in relationships of all kinds.  Relationships are reciprocal and we withdraw from the bank account only that which we have deposited ourselves.  Deposits of right action and feelings that have been amplified by both parties are available to both parties.  This relationship continues to grow and flourish with nurturing and attention.  Friendship cannot thrive in the dark or in rocky soil, it must be nurtured with light, truth, trust and true fidelity of companionship. I must continue to strive daily to be an excellent friend.

Response to Seneca Reading - Day 2

"The thought for today is one which I discovered in Epicurus; a for I am wont to cross over even into the enemy's camp, – not as a deserter, but as a scout. 6 He says: “Contented poverty is an honourable estate.” Indeed, if it be contented, it is not poverty at all. It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.

What does it matter how much a man has laid up in his safe, or in his warehouse, how large are his flocks and how fat his dividends, if he covets his neighbour's property, and reckons, not his past gains, but his hopes of gains to come? Do you ask what is the proper limit to wealth? It is, first, to have what is necessary, and, second, to have what is enough. Farewell." - Seneca - Letters - II. On discursiveness in reading

The constant acquisition of more, the discontentment that is rife in our society and fuels the consumer driven race for things and variety of experience often drives us to be on a continual treadmill of change.  I have a small study that houses my piano, a leather couch and six tall bookcases, almost to the ceiling in height, and those shelves are overflowing with books.  Now books in themsleves are wonderful things BUT if the desire to have outweighs the desire to read those books, that is were the problem can be seen.  The root of the "sickness" can be found in the desire to acquire and possess rather than to possess with the intent of using.  Holding ones literary tomes with an open hand, with a willingness to be open to gifting a book if you have learned the lessons that it holds for yourself is a healthier type of ownership.  In our household the majority of books are held as an item in a collection to be admired rather than read.  Antique or hard to find collections of books such as the Harvard Classics, The Great Books, The Shelf of Fiction, Easton \press editions, etc. line our bookshelves. I must remember to look at all of my books with the eye of "do I love it?", if not, "do I need to read it?" and if it does not fit either of these requirements I must be willing to give it away so that someone who needs to read the book has the opportunity to do so.

This sickness that I can see the hintings of in my own book collection can also be seen in other aspects of my life.  My life being a microcosmic example of the macrocosmic Society as a whole.  The need to acquire without true need fuels our capitalistic economy, driving the real estate industry alone to billions of dollars being spent on an annual basis, often resulting in soaring debt loads.  Many times in our lives we leave the status quo to branch out into a new home, new wardrobe, new furniture, new life partner, new pet, new "insert X here" without truly requiring the item that we have pursued and possessed.  I wonder how many times we have medicated a sense of lack with purchasing something new in our lives?  How many times have we numbed ourselves with the drug of "affluenza" in order to divert our attention from changing/examining aspects of our lives that we are not comfortable dealing with?  How many times have I numbed my own self from learning an affirming life lesson by satiating my disatisfaction with a new purchase, experience or lifestyle?

If we could allow ourselves to just stay long enough to listen to our inner voice, allow our mind to be still enough to puzzle out the root of our disatisfaction would we be able to make small course corrections more easily?  Would simply "being in the moment" allow us to make lasting changes that would cause us to be content where we are and with what we have?  We are like sail boats requiring adjustments in the sea that we live in, small course corrections, in order to reach our goals.  Rather than taking our boat out of the sea, getting the boat onto a trailer, driving miles and miles to a new body of water, then going through the difficult launching process, having to seek a new mooring spot, etc. let's thrive where we are.  Let's be still enough to be able to recognize the good in where we are and just be.  Let us allow ourselves to put down enough roots in order to thrive rather than uprooting ourselves whenever we feel the slightest wind or a bit of driving rain.

On Saving Time - Day One

"What man can you show me who places any value on his time, who reckons the worth of each day, who understands that he is dying daily? For we are mistaken when we look forward to death; the major portion of death has already passed. Whatever years be behind us are in death's hands. Therefore, Lucilius, do as you write me that you are doing: hold every hour in your grasp. Lay hold of today's task, and you will not need to depend so much upon tomorrow's. While we are postponing, life speeds by. 
3 Nothing, Lucilius, is ours, except time. We were entrusted by nature with the ownership of this single thing, so fleeting and slippery that anyone who will can oust us from possession. What fools these mortals be! They allow the cheapest and most useless things, which can easily be replaced, to be charged in the reckoning, after they have acquired them; but they never regard themselves as in debt when they have received some of that precious commodity, – time! And yet time is the one loan which even a grateful recipient cannot repay."  Seneca, Letters - "On Saving Time"

For this year Michel and I are reading through the complete collection of Seneca's Letters.  This morning was our first reading and I have pasted an excerpt from the reading above.  This week I am going to be studying this letter #1.

I only have to think of all of the things that I wanted to accomplish with my "holiday break" to realize that time slips away from us when we are not diligent with our planning.  I did get some much needed rest and "down time" during the holiday though.  A goal that I did accomplish.  I am in no way "ready" to begin the work cycle again though.  The thought of going out early before the sun rises into the snowy, and bitterly cold morning is extremely unappealing to say the least.  I will do what must be done though and be thankful that I am going out to a job that I enjoy with co-workers who are interesting.  This cannot be said by many people these days and for that I am extremely blessed and I am grateful.

My calendar for household chores, menu, budgeting and special occasions has been planned for the year.  I now have to plan my work calendar for the year, getting ready to jump back into the business of my position, fine tuning my planning process to ensure continued success.  Today will be a time of planning and reflection at work today with many co-workers not returning until the middle of the week.  I hope we all get through our weighty inboxes swiftly and enjoy a productive and enriching day today.

I will remember that Time is the only commodity allowed us by nature and hope to use it wisely!